Moustache - HANDLEBAR, PENCIL, HORSESHOE OR TOOTHBRUSH.

Winston Churchill had lopsided features, which may be a link to why he was such a successful leader of Britain during WW2.

Psychologists have discovered that people with asymmetrical features make the most effective leaders.

I wonder if the same theory might be applied to art in its historical context?

Throughout history the arts have lurched between the Classical and Romantic, or symmetry and asymmetry.

The most well known period was the Renaissance, a time of classical beauty and symmetry. This was then followed by the Baroque, a period of disturbance, mayhem and asymmetry.

This is best seen in Michelangelo’s two great works in the Sistine Chapel, Rome. The ceiling is calm and ordered, in the High Renaissance style, while the Last Judgment, in the Mannerist style, was much more chaotic. This was the pre curser to the Baroque period, where art and sculpture displayed more exuberance and exaggerated motion.

Advertising has also followed the same swings. In the 60s there was the Helmet Krone inspired VW campaign and in the 70s and 80s we had the classic British print campaigns like Sainsburys, Commercial Union and Stella Artois.

Then came the dark days of the mid 90s. This brought the off the wall and totally asymmetrical work out of Holland like the Hans Brinker Hotel work from KesselsKramer, Amsterdam. The advertising was so unusual that they even published a book titled; “The Worst Hotel in the World”

I wonder if, when times are tough, we don’t need the off the wall, asymmetric approach to selling?

After all there has never been a more confusing market place than now.

The stock market lurches between Bear and Bull and the politics waver between The Tea party and the Occupy Wall Street movement.

The WWW has opened up the Pandora’s box, that’s new media, and know one knows where that will lead us.

Or perhaps we just need some talented creative directors with lopsided features?

Wine growers, or maybe it’s the wine marketers, seem to understand the power of a yarn.

The Boobook owl is the story that Forest Hill Vineyards, in the great southwestern region of Western Australia, use to market their Cabernet Merlot variety. Apparently the owl’s very distinctive call can be heard around the vineyard at night.

While the name Annie’s Lane, in the Clare Valley, came from the story of Annie Wayman. This is what’s on the back of their label.

“Annie Wayman was a legend in the Clare Valley. She could always be relied upon to bring along sandwiches and a warm drink to harvesters and pruners in the vineyard at the turn of the 20th century. One evening, Annie’s horse and cart got bogged in a lane adjacent to one of the valley’s best vineyards. Thus, Annie’s Lane was born.”

Most people buy wine just before they consume it and most are heavily influenced by the label, so what better way to get these impulse buyers to choose a product, than to give them something to remember it by, a good story?

Henry Ford famously made the claim about the colour range of the Model T.

“Any customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants so long as it is black.“

It’s these stories that empower the consumer to talk about a product and that’s the best way to get it remembered.

The copywriter has long used story telling to aid brand association. However with the current trend, of little or no copy in ads, this art has been lost.

I guess I will just have to read more wine labels.

I am a fan of the Tour de France.

So for the last three weeks I haven’t been into bed until way after midnight.

One of the biggest attractions has been the magnificent scenery along the route.

And last night’s time trial was amongst the most gripping TV I have seen in a long time. True, it was only guys racing the clock but there was so much at stake for Australia’s Cadel Evans.

He’s a machine.

I can’t wait to see him ride down the Champs-Élysées tonight as the winner. Only the third non-European to have won the race in its 108 year’s history.

There was another winner in this year’s tour and that was the SBS Tour Tracker App. This was a great example of well designed and well written application code. Even the live TV feeds worked.

Now for the losers.

I am afraid they were the advertisements. It was definitely the cycling and the scenery that kept me awake each night, not the ads.

Apart from the original SBS promo ad, which was excellent, the rest was crap.

If they had only run each ad once a night, then they would have been bearable but they ran them at every break and then night after night. Apart from Skoda, all the major sponsors had only produced one ad and they seemed to run them continually.

There was once a theory in media buying that frequency was the most powerful way to builds a brand message.

I think that frequency, at these levels, is the fastest way to damage a brand.

The phone tapping scandal by Rupert Murdoch’s News of the World has been on the front pages here as well as in the UK.

Well, almost all of the front pages.

There was, however, a noticeable absence of this story in the Herald Sun, a News Limited publication.

I have always been led to believe that reporters are meant to report the big stories.

I guess it all comes down to what is regarded as a good story to report.

The News of the World may have shown no ethics but at least their advertisers have displayed some balls and pulled large hunks of advertising from their pages.

Even a brand that’s as tawdry as this one can be damaged by public opinion.

As the story broke yesterday, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall in the Herald Sun’s editors office, or maybe I should have just hacked his phone.

Last weekend there was a link on the blog spot, ‘If This Is A Blog Then What’s Christmas’, to a site called ‘Awesome People Hanging Out Together’

There are 13 pages with old and new photos, of famous people, who have been seen and photographed together.

In there you’ll find some great shots, like Chuck Norris with Bruce Lee, Colonel Sanders with Alice Cooper and even Woody Allen with Michael Jackson.

This one caught my eye, as it was so out of place in the context of all the other awesome people.

I won’t reveal who these two guys are, however if you are in advertising you might have an idea.

If you don’t know, then go to page 8 and find out for yourself.

They are actors, like a lot of the other awesome people on the site, but they are awesome for a very different reason.

There are many words and common phrases that have become so over used that they have ultimately lost any real meaning.

In an attempt to try and communicate, in a simplistic way, politicians, the public service and big business have coined a plethora of glib expressions. These are tirelessly repeated in an attempt to get the point across.

Transparency

Collaboration

Team player

Then there’s Julia Gillard’s ‘Moving forward’

Or:

Tony Abbott’s ‘Great big new tax’ that has now become ‘Toxic tax’

These originally had meaning and were valuable verbal shorthand that simply expressed a more complex thought.

But that meaning has been lost by over use.

The same has happened in advertising.

If you read ad headlines or even get as far as the body copy you will find a lot of sameness.

Many copywriters are slavishly using well-worn expressions to sell an idea, rather than look for a more original and memorable set of words.

I spied an ad for a mobile phone the other day that proudly boasted the headline: ‘Prepare to be awesome’

Since when has a phone made the user awesome?

The Great Wall of China, The Barrier Reef even Attila the Hun, all inspire awe, not a mobile phone.

In 1875 Alexander Graham Bell might have inspired awe with the invention of the first telephone, but not today.

Retail advertising is the worst offender.

They are using and re-using hackneyed phrases that once, way back then, might have convinced the consumer that they were getting a bargain.

Now their luster has worn off.

Once in a lifetime opportunity

Never to be repeated

Red-hot bargain

Closing Down Sale

Mammoth savings

Peace of mind

Get the edge

What’s stopping you?

The last one is probably the most telling as I think it’s the clichés themselves that may be the biggest hindrance to sales.

They are just a wallpaper of words that the punter sees, but doesn’t read, let alone respond to.

They have been made impotent by over and inappropriate use.

I have just received an email from my mate in Switzerland.

It’s one of those emails that you are meant to send on and brighten up someone’s day.

Well it not only brightened up my day, it made it.

Within it were a number of photos of church notice boards.

They usually give out the service times and a simple rallying message about praising the Lord and Jesus saving us all.

These ones go way beyond the expected and have taken notice board headlines to new heights.

Praise the Lord.

Staying in bed shouting, “Oh God” doesn’t constitute going to church.

St Cyril of Alexandria Catholic Church

God does not believe in atheists therefore atheists do not exist.

Palm heights Baptist Church

Forgive your enemies it messes with their heads.

Donelson View Baptist Church

Free coffee, everlasting life, yes membership has its privileges.

Goodwood United Church

Read the bible, it will scare the hell out of you.

Wyldwood Baptist Church

Walmart is not the only saving place.

Oak Grove Landmark Missionary Baptist Church

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Neighborhood Christian Centre

There are some questions that can’t be answered by Google.

Claude Presbyterian Church

I have just wasted a few hours of my life watching the final of Eurovision.

Everything seemed familiar.

The songs, wardrobe, look and even the dance moves, I felt as though I had heard them all before.

The Greek artist had a fusion of traditional Greek music with rap. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

The French guy had a great voice but not much more.

The Italians had a jazz theme, funnily I think I have heard it all before.

Next, the UK’s ‘Blue’ – Man Power on speed. I thought that Eurovision was about music, not muscles.

Lena, the defending winner from Germany, certainly had a great sound, but she was so last year.

At this point I am thinking, this is the Eurovision Song Contest, shouldn’t it be about the song?

Half the acts are about the stage show not the lyrics or the delivery.

Austria, so Céline Dion, so 1988.

Iceland was the sentimental favorites with a great song but a familiar sound.

The Ukraine used a sand artist. A great visual effect, that didn’t add to the originality of the music.

Serbia was a bit like Dianna Ross and the Supremes, only in Serbian.

Even the Eurovision show lacked substance. It was like a lot of current TV commercials – all technique with no real creative idea.

The only act that stood out for me was Moldova and their song ‘So Lucky’ with the fairy on the unicycle.

I could imagine them on Triple J.

It was a bit like watching 2 hours of TV commercials. Very few acts stood out or were memorable.

It was all wallpaper.

What is the criteria for Eurovision? If it’s originality then most acts have failed.

And the winner is – Azerbaijan with ‘Running Scared’

I somehow don’t think they have the staying power or originality of Sandy Shaw (1967) ABBA (1974) or even Céline Dion (1988).

The RACV (Royal Automobile Club of Victoria) has pleaded with the state government to adopt a road transport infrastructure programme and stop implementing quick fixes – like reducing speed limits rather than improving the roads.

I have discovered a quick fix in packaging.

More and more screw top jars are becoming impossible to open.

I don’t think that the average home cook could get the top off most jars these days, even if they do spend eight hours in the gym each week, pumping iron.

The only reason I can see for this is to improve security, by making the product more tamper proof.

They may have saved a few dollars, by not putting a security seal on their jar, but they will have pissed off a lot of customers who can’t actually open them.

Is it good business to save money and then lose customers?

Nestle have spent millions of dollars, or Swiss Francs, using George Clooney as the face of Nespresso.

This poster, I found stuck to the window of a coffee shop in sleepy Queenscliff, is a perfect parody.

And trust me it’s working, as the café was full.